Fanmail
by zashaxander
Summary: Kate Beckett, huge fan of the novelist Richard Castle, writes him an email asking about his motivation for writing. He responds and they begin to write to each other. Alternative meeting - if 1x01 hadn't happened...
1. Chapter 1

For Celine (stuunalee on twitter), because she asked. That said, I don't write fics just because you ask. You also have to be as awesome as Celine. So... yeah.

* * *

Dear Mr Castle

My name is Kate. I'm.. far too old to be writing something like this but for some reason I feel as though I have to. I just finished reading Storm Fall – it's wonderful, as are all your books.

I know more about murder than most people, and I also know a lot about the pain of losing a loved one. You capture these things so perfectly... It's almost as though you can understand me in a way no one else does, even though we have never met.

I don't want to give you a sob story. My mother died nine years ago but that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because... My world only seems to make sense in your books – the world, really, seems to only make sense to me through your eyes. And I was curious, I am curious, as to why you write.

Perhaps there is no reason, perhaps you have no inspiration but I can't help wanting to know. I almost feel as though it will help me in some way – not that it matters to you.

Thank you for reading this message. Don't feel bad if you don't have time to respond.

Sincerely,

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Thank you for your email. I believe a lot can be 'read into' someone's writing, and the way you write fascinates me. You use so few words, yet there is so much feeling within them. I am deeply sorry about your mother's death – though I know my condolences must be worth very little. Thank you very much for your compliments. I write things as I see them; I'm glad others seem to see them that way too. _

_As someone interested in the motivations people have for doing things, I understand your interest in my motivation. Why I write is hard to explain, even to myself. I have always liked words and using them to express myself, but I think my urge to write novels comes from a deep fascination with people – why they do things, what they wish they were doing, who they want to be, their regrets, their emotions... I want to capture these things in language in order to understand them, and to explore them._

_What leads a person to commit this ultimate crime of passion, this despicable act? With life, there's always a story, a chain of events that makes everything make sense. I like finding it. _

_I hope that answers your question._

_You interest me, Kate. Write me again – you're a lot less disturbing than most. _

_Yours, _

_Richard Castle (Call me Rick)._

* * *

Dear Rick,

Thank you for answering my letter so quickly. You did answer my question and I understand, I think. Now I don't know what to write. I just had the one thing to ask.

Thanks again,

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate, _

_I need to teach you how to write fanmail. Most of the emails I receive are filled with people telling me all about themselves. Tell me about yourself. That's what I want to know. What do you do for a living? Why do you know about murder? What's your favourite colour?_

_You've been on my fansite to get this address, so you know a lot about me – my height, my eye colour, my favourite food, my middle name, my age – go on. I'm waiting. And raising one eyebrow at you._

_If you don't want to tell the truth, make it up. I'll know, though. I play a mean game of poker._

_Expectantly,_

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

Katherine Houghton B, 5'9'', green-brown eyes, short brown hair, slim, born November 17th 1979 (now aged 28 in case you can't count), no children, favourite colour purple, favourite food strawberry milkshakes, favourite writer Stephen J Cannell, favourite movie anything pixar, favourite musician John Coltrane, I live alone, I'm a homicide detective, I hate grocery shopping.

And I play a mean game of poker too.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_See? We know each other so much better now. You are too cruel to me – but I know I'm your favourite writer. _

_Tall. I bet you're hot. Milkshakes aren't food. Eyes are either green or brown. Purple is the colour of lust. Pixar is perfection. Coltrane is miraculous. I like grocery shopping. _

_A homicide detective? Now that is interesting. I thought you would be a lawyer. Would you tell me your story? Simply to satisfy my curiosity – you have it in writing that it would be in complete confidence and could sue me for my millions if I ever shared it with anyone. _

_We should play poker sometime. _

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

You're the storyteller – you find my story.

Milkshake is a food. It's too thick to be a drink.

What do you want from me?

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate, _

_I'm curious about you. And I know you're curious too. Why else would you write back?_

_I don't know your story would be. You're so beautifully complicated, you're the kind of character I strive to create. You don't have to tell me yet. I'll wait, and ask you other things._

_You'll know I have a daughter. She's wonderful, I mean it, I don't know how since between her mother and myself... well, neither of us are very sensible. But Alexis has always been perfectly grounded and secure. Until now. I don't understand teenage girls, and I presume you used to be one? She won't talk to me, I'm the 'cool dad' but she's holding back something huge and I wish she would tell me. She lied about where she was going today, she said she was shopping but her phone was in a residential area. I trust her but I can't help but be worried. I want to confront her but I have a feeling that wouldn't be the right approach. Any ideas?_

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

Perhaps I am a little curious. I'm surprised you shied away from the challenge of my story – I thought you liked that kind of thing. I don't think my story is worthy of your books. Also, your books have happy endings.

As for your daughter, from the way you talk about her it's obvious you trust her and she trusts you. So my advice would be don't confront her. As a teenager I wanted to do the thing my parents would hate the most because they were always prying into what I thought was my life and none of their business. Let Alexis grow on her own – she'll tell you about whatever it is when she's ready and your relationship will be stronger for you demonstrating your trust.

I hope that helps.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Thank you very much. She told me – she's met a boy! But she introduced me and he seems nice. They were studying together – and this is Alexis, they were actually studying! The things I did at her age, I can't help but worry a little. _

_You thought I'd like the challenge? – don't believe everything you read on the fansites! I do like challenging women though. And I'm sure you would make an excellent character. You really do want me to guess? You won't like it, so I'm sorry, but you asked. _

_You even gave me a clue. No happy ending. _

_I know that you're educated – the way you write. Assuming you're telling me the truth and you aren't a middle aged man, normally you would become a lawyer. That's what you should be and I'm going to take a leap here and say that's what you were on the road to being. You told me your mother died. You're wounded, Kate, and I don't think she just died. I think she was murdered – and I think that is why you solve other murders, because horrible as it is, your mother's killer was never caught. You bring justice to others because you couldn't bring it to her. You blame yourself, even though it wasn't your fault. And you read murder books because you are still desperately searching for a reason, for some meaning to put to her death._

_Am I close?_

_Rick_

* * *

Too close.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate, _

_I did it because you asked me to. I didn't want to upset you, I want... to help you. How many people know this about you? How many people really know you, Kate?_

_Would you let me know you?_

_Rick_

* * *

Dear Rick,

I'm sorry. You're right, I shouldn't have asked. Not many people know, but I don't need them to. I don't want your help or your pity. I just wanted to ask why. Like you thought, I suppose. You're very good.

How would I let you know me?

Kate

* * *

_Dear Kate_

_I could take you out for coffee? Do you like the Met?_

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick

I like coffee and the Met. Meet you at the entrance to the tea shop at 10 on Saturday?

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Perfect, see you there._

_Rick._

* * *

A/N: Please review if you want more! Hope you liked it babe!


	2. Chapter 2

2

A/N: I have to congratulate you Cece, fastest follower build up I've ever had! Thank you very much guys, I hope you continue to enjoy.

* * *

Dear Rick,

Thank you very much for the coffee. It was wonderful meeting you and you really didn't have to give me that signed copy of your book.

It feels slightly more normal writing to you now but different in a way. I felt I had to meet you to show you I was who I said I was – I'm glad you are who you say you are too.

You asked if I could tell you things about work. There isn't much to tell and it would of course have to be in complete confidence. Work is quiet at the moment. I catch killers, I don't enjoy it but there is some satisfaction in it I suppose. When we had coffee you said you might have liked to be a detective. Why would you want to do that?

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Always. Thank _you _for coming. I didn't know whether you would. You said you didn't want it to be a regular thing. I understand that you're nervous – I of all people understand finding writing an easier way to communicate. There's a safety in words and I don't want to deny you that. But I really would like to keep talking to you, so I hope you keep writing to me. _

_I knew you would be beautiful. Some people seem to think that everyone who writes fanmail or spends time on the internet must be ugly and unfulfilled. I know that is not the case, and you are a wonderful example of one of the many people out there who is simply looking for something they haven't yet found in their day to day life. You may find this surprising, but I think of myself as one of those people too. _

_I thought I might like to be a detective because, pleasurable as I find writing, a detective helps people. You became a detective because you wanted to bring justice to people and to protect them. I think that is a very honourable thing to do. You don't have to talk about your work. It sounded as though it takes up a great deal of your life – perhaps writing to me should be a time when you don't have to think about death. _

_How was the rest of your weekend? _

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

I feel a bit of a coward staying with this 'safety in words' but you've explained it so well.

Where do you expect to get with these compliments, though? That said, I'm glad you don't think of me as ugly and unfulfilled.

My weekend was fine. I had combat training and did some reading and paperwork, and visited my father on Sunday afternoon. How was yours?

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_I said you weren't ugly. I think you are in great need of being fulfilled. _

_What do you wear for combat training? Is it with a woman or a man? _

_My weekend was excellent thank you, although the coffee with you was certainly the highlight. I spent a large part of Sunday waiting in my living room while my mother and daughter paraded in and out wearing different expensive dresses asking for my opinion and telling me off when I said they looked beautiful no matter what they wore. But I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I honestly think that they do look beautiful all the time._

_When someone writes you a long email, it's polite to write a long one back. _

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

Why is it that a lot of what you say seems to have a sexual undercurrent?

My combat training is with a man and I wear lycra. _Tight_ lycra.

I apologise for the disappointing length of my last email. I do have a full time job, though. Today we caught a man red handed; he was still stealing our victim's money and jewellery when we arrived at the scene. Most people seem to think it's an open and shut case, especially because the man refuses to talk, but I can't help feeling we're missing something. His prints are on the murder weapon, it really does look like a mugging but... something doesn't feel right. I'll keep looking for another day or two. My gut says it wasn't him.

When I write you a short email, it's polite to write a short one back.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_A lot of what I say _does _have a sexual undercurrent, especially when I'm talking to someone like you. And she tells me that she wears tight lycra when she does combat training. Tell me, do you enjoy this training? Is it hard work? Do you think I'd be able to do it? I did do some fighting once; I was abroad researching a book. And I worked with the CIA for a while. _

_Trust your gut – I don't think your mugger killed your victim. _

_I did write you a short email. We must just have different perceptions of short and long. _

_I'm fairly stuck for an idea for my next book. I owe my publisher, who also happens to be my ex-wife, two chapters of something new, but I haven't been able to think of anything. Well, I thought of one thing but I don't even like to ask... You are completely free to say no. I was wondering if I could write about you, sort of. My main character would be a savvy, sexy, no nonsense female homicide detective – do you see where I'm going? You could help me a little, only as much as you want, but I'm getting all these ideas writing to you. I haven't started anything yet because I know it's an imposition. But I asked my daughter and she said there wouldn't be much harm in asking you about it, and that you might not mind. So – what do you think? _

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

I very much enjoy my combat training, it's hard work and no, I'm not sure you could cope. Do you have any fighting experience?

We were right, it wasn't the mugger. He had been set up but he didn't want to talk because he actually knew the killer – it was his wife! They were broke and were both trying to get money; he was stealing, his wife was going through their rich friends and taking their money. Absurd situation, but he loved his wife so wanted to protect her I suppose. Anyway, they're both going to jail. There is a satisfaction, as I said, in finding out who did it, but at the same time, the woman who was murdered is still dead. Her parents and sister and boyfriend are still devastated. And there's nothing I can do about that. They have justice, and it helps, but it isn't enough.

As for your proposal about your next book, exactly how much would this character be based on me? I'm happy to write to you and talk to you about cases when I have the time, but me specifically? I want to help and you know that I love your books but I very much do not love the idea of anyone knowing. Ever. So, yes, as long as you can assure me that no one will ever know or find out.

And thank you. I would never be able to say this out loud, but thank you for liking me enough to want to do that. It's a nice feeling. As well as a scary one.

How is your week going? And what will this detective be called?

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_I'm very glad to hear that you enjoy your combat training. I have only had a very small amount of real fighting experience but I would still love to attempt to be your opponent. You've given me a lot to... think about. _

_So your gut was right and I was right to trust it. Good. And of course, good that you caught the killer. Hearing about real murder cases from your point of view is fascinating. I read the papers but they give a very different perspective. It means my mind is going haywire with ideas for this new character and new book. _

_For which, by the way, I cannot begin to thank you. I promise your identity will remain a secret. The detective is called Nikki Heat. Think of the titles – Heat Wave, Summer Heat, Rising Heat... If you wouldn't mind I'd like to ask you some more questions about yourself. For research only. Think of it like talking to a doctor. Only if you say yes and promise not to be offended by a question. If you don't like it you can just not answer – I'll ask everything I want to know. And I'll answer them all, too, so it's fair. _

_My week is going wonderfully, especially after your email because I could start writing! Things seem to be going well with Alexis and her love interest. His name is Owen. My publisher is off my back and my mother actually has an acting job, for once, so she's out of the house for most of the day at rehearsals. The only thing is I get a little bored. I don't like the parties I'm supposed to attend, my poker group only meets once a fortnight, and I really don't have much to do. _

_Do you have another case? _

_Rick._

* * *

NIKKI HEAT? Castle that is a stripper name! Is she a cop by day and a hooker by night? Change it. And no one is EVER finding out that it's me. You don't even get to think about me doing combat training now.

I'm glad you have ideas for the book, though. I mean, I wouldn't want your ex-wife-publisher leaving you cruel answer phone messages.

If I don't have to answer, yes, you can ask me whatever you like. I don't mind, I don't think I have any secrets, although there are some things I wouldn't tell you.

I'm glad that your week is going wonderfully and that Alexis is getting on well with Owen. My week has been fine although not since this email! Now I am panicking that you've turned fictional me into a prostitute!

We do have a case but I'm saying nothing until you say you'll change the name.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Come on, it's not that bad. And I can't change it. I've already given the name to Gina and she loves it. You'll get used to it, you might even get to like it. She's great, really. I think she does you justice. She's smart, beautiful, intelligent... honestly, don't worry about it. And no one will ever know it's you, anyway. Please tell me about your case. _

_Thanks for saying yes to the questions. Here we go._

_1. What's your favourite way to relax?_

_2. What is your favourite non-work related hobby?_

_3. What kind of relationship do you prefer (sexual)?_

_4. Who is your best friend and why?_

_5. What is your relationship with your father, and any other family, like?_

_6. Were you close to your mother? (You really don't have to answer if you don't want to.)_

_7. Are you currently single?_

_8. What is the atmosphere at your work like? Who are your colleagues? Do you get on well with them? Can I visit, just for a day, to see? I'm friends with the mayor, I'd be good and quiet and wouldn't tell anyone that I know you. _

_I await your response enthusiastically._

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

Fine, don't change the name. But know this, if anyone ever finds out that she is anything to do with me, I carry a gun at all times and I know where you live. The case is over now. A nanny had been killed; she was found in a dryer. It was tragic, her friend killed her because they were both having an affair with the same man. I blame the man myself, but he'll get off totally unpunished. Sometimes justice doesn't work the way I think it should.

Your questions.

_1. What's your favourite way to relax? _

A bubble bath, a glass of wine, and a good book.

_2. What is your favourite non-work related hobby?_

Does running or combat training count as not related to work? I would do them anyway. So the combat training. Or reading, if you count that. But most of my life is taken up with work.

_3. What kind of relationship do you prefer (sexual)?_

Yes, I prefer sexual relationships.

Seriously, I like stability. I'm the one and done type – I've never been married or divorced (unlike some people I could mention.)

_4. Who is your best friend and why?_

Lanie. She's a medical examiner and we often work cases together. We've been friends since I made detective. She isn't afraid to speak her mind or set me straight if I'm doing something stupid. We tell each other everything – she knows I'm writing to you. She thinks it's cute. She said to tell you that she likes your books because of your accuracy with the details of death, and she told me to give you her phone number, which I am not going to do.

_5. What is your relationship with your father, and any other family, like?_

My father suffered a great deal after my mother's death, but he has been sober for five years now. I'm close to him but our roles changed when he was drinking and I don't think they will ever change back – I look after him.

_6. Were you close to your mother? (You really don't have to answer if you don't want to.)_

Very.

_7. Are you currently single?_

Yes.

_8. What is the atmosphere at your work like? Who are your colleagues? Do you get on well with them? Can I visit, just for a day, to see? I'm friends with the mayor, I'd be good and quiet and wouldn't tell anyone that I know you. _

I love the atmosphere at work. There are two other guys on my team and they're like brothers to me. Their names are Javi and Kevin. A lot of bromance there. I'd rather you didn't visit but I'll think about it. You could visit when I'm not there?

You have your answers from me – you said you would answer the questions too. I hope you have what you need to know.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Thank you so much for answering all the questions so well. I love your answers, I love getting to know you better and putting your story together. The watch you wear is your father's, isn't it? And the chain around your neck has something of your mother's on it. A ring? The case does sound sad. In my books I can always punish those to blame but I know what you mean about real life not always managing to do that. _

_So now I owe you some answers. Here we go... _

_I play poker to relax, that's a hobby too but I also love video games and laser tag. I'm also fairly keen on sexual relationships and believe it or not, I'd say I like stability too but the most important thing for me is the spark. Sometimes there is just a connection between two people that ties them to each other, a kind of magic I think, and although this doesn't always progress to a relationship, it always could, and a relationship without it is doomed. My best friend is my daughter – and now you. My relationship with my family – I never knew my father and to this day I don't know who he is. I love my mother but I think I see rather too much of her. And my daughter is the most wonderful person I know. I am also currently single, and I have no work atmosphere apart from Gina and she drives me crazy. My agent isn't much better. _

_I really think you'll like Nikki. She's great. And that's a good idea, visiting your work when you're not there. At least it won't be uncomfortable for you. I'll try to sort something out for a weekend. But I would like to see you again. I know writing is good and I am really enjoying writing to you but I can't help wanting a little more. Perhaps we could have coffee again?_

_Rick._

* * *

A/N: Kisses all round, thank you so much for all the interest this has already had! Please review, and lots of love as always! xxx


	3. Chapter 3

3

Dear Rick,

Thank you very much for coffee – again. You should have let me pay this time. I hope you enjoyed your visit to the precinct – I was having another relaxing Saturday with my combat trainer.

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I first wrote to you. Now it seems such an ordinary thing to be doing.

Work is going fairly smoothly although Kevin's new girlfriend bought him an absurd tie for their three week anniversary and it's in danger of giving us all migraines. How is the writing? Has 'Nikki Heat' got up to anything interesting?

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_Always. Stop making a fuss about me buying you coffee – if you don't I'll buy you dinner – or maybe a restaurant... I very much enjoyed the precinct, although it's rather drab, don't you think? I'll sponsor you to have it redecorated if you like. Since you told me about the trainer, I assume I have permission to fantasise about you again? Thanks..._

_Why can't you believe it's been a month? Because you were such a fangirl but now you've realised I'm an ordinary person? _

_Glad work is going well. Tell me about your case! Nikki is going very well, she's at the crime scene with a body. I'm not going to spoil it for you though. I know you were looking forward to reading my next book, and I plan for you to enjoy it. A lot. I think you'll like Nikki. _

_I want to see you again. Yes, already. I'm sick of writing – we can still write about boring stuff, but being with you is different..._

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

You can only fantasise if you don't tell me about it. I don't think I'll like Nikki. And... I don't know if I'm ready. I mean, I have really enjoyed our two meetings for coffee but for the first time I feel as though I've found someone I can talk to and I don't want to ruin it. I feel as though I could tell you anything here. When I'm with you I get all nervous.

I'm sorry.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_I understand completely. I don't want to rush you into anything. But if you have things that you need to tell that badly, I suggest you tell them. Not only am I a good listener, so is your keypad. Even writing things down can help you feel better about them. I know it's tempting to tell people things more quickly and more freely when you're writing. So, go ahead, if you want to. I won't judge and I do want to help._

_Don't be sorry._

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

You're very sweet. But now I don't even know where to start.

It's my mother, my mother's case. It still haunts me but I don't think it should. It's been nine years. Surely I should be over it by now?

But when I wake up in the middle of the night I still see the images from the crime scene. I avoid relationships because I'm scared to really care about someone, because I can't bear the idea of going through that kind of pain again if I ever lost them. It would break my heart and I don't think my heart is strong enough to be broken again.

That's partly why I don't want to meet you, I suppose.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_I wish I were with you so I could put my arms around you and tell you that you're going to be safe. I hate to think of you haunted, but I don't think it's strange. Something terrible happened to you – who would you be if you stopped caring about that?_

_That said, you should try to be a little freer. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. You can love again, and it might not go wrong. I'm guessing someone else hurt you? A man? He left you, I think, when you had just begun to trust him and depend on him. I'd like to kick his ass. But not all men are like that. Not all people are like that. Some of us are reliable, regardless of what the tabloids say._

_You're hinting something about me but I don't want to push you. I know it's easy for things to slip out with this way of communicating. But... If I were to hint, I would hint at exactly the same thing, and I would say that it would be wonderful to try._

_Rick._

* * *

Dear Rick,

When you said you wished you were with me I almost wished you were too. You're right about the boyfriend thing. His name was Will.

I just don't know if I can manage to risk my heart right now.

We both seem to be hinting rather a lot. Maybe you should come here, so we can talk.

Kate.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_I'll be there in a heartbeat. Do you want me to come now?_

_Rick._

* * *

Rick, it's 2am on Thursday night. How could you come over now?

* * *

_Easily. Just say the word and I will._

* * *

Okay.

* * *

_Home again. Sleep well. And I'll see you tomorrow._

* * *

Goodnight. I can't believe I've agreed to this.

* * *

_It's a good decision. Just think how much fun we'll have solving crimes together._

* * *

You'll be able to annoy me every day!

* * *

_I'll be helpful, I promise. And if you change your mind I can always just call the mayor. I have him on speed dial._

* * *

You are unbelievably full of yourself. Goodnight.

* * *

_You like it. Until tomorrow, detective... _

* * *

...cue 5 years of Castle, without the first episode. And probably they sleep together sooner – say by season 2?

THE END

* * *

A/N: I know it was short but the writing thing could only go on for so long. If you want canon Castkett AU awesome fun, go read Fixing the Mistake! And follow me on twitter (zanna_sk) for entertaining and Stana-y tweets, as well as the opportunity to ask me for fics.

I hope you liked it Cece! Love you all. xxx


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